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Why I write.

July 9, 2009
tags: motherhood, writing
by Hannah

When I put my thoughts down on paper (or in many cases, on screen), they become less heavy. My mind always feels clearer and more organized if I journal or blog about things. Sometimes my anxieties are like chains- putting them into words frees me.
After Seth was born, I had some trouble with what is commonly known as the “baby blues”. Basically I cried all the time. I was overwhelmed by everything. And then I felt bad for not being happy when my amazing new baby was healthy and in my arms, so I cried some more. After giving birth, there is more hormonal imbalance in the body than at any other time in a woman’s life. I also have a personal and family history of depression, which has reared its ugly head periodically in my life since I was a teenager.
It has been months since the baby blues wore off, but the other day a load of stress sideswiped me out of nowhere, and I became temporarily incapacitated. Thankfully my husband is so loving, and I came out of it quickly. Yesterday I spent the entire day cleaning our house, and the sense of accomplishment worked wonders.
No one said mothering would be easy. It is the most wonderful and rewarding thing in the world, but it tests you and pushes you to the limits of your patience and strength. Seth has days (very frequently lately) when he does not want to be put down. We are moving in a month, which is not long when you have a five month old, and I need to start packing. And with our finances so tight, I feel pressure (only from myself) to make money, but I haven’t had time to look for writing jobs or do anything besides play with baby, hold baby, rock him to sleep, and try to keep our house somewhat in order and feed us in there too.
Yes, I know it will get better, that he is just going through a stage right now, and yes that is comforting. I must say, however, that this would all be that much worse if it weren’t for our Ergo carrier, which allows me to get some things done.
So I write because it allows my mind to function better. Now that I have written this I can go on with my day- thanks for reading!

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